Bedside manner in Rome: some sayings attributed to the physician, Quintus
“We still have to go through the subject of morning and evening massage—but oh my god not in the way Quintus did. They say that when a personal trainer asked him what virtue an oil massage has, he replied, ‘getting their clothes off.’ Those words—the ones I just used—they say are a direct quote of the trainer’s question and Quintus’ answer. There’s a similar saying attributed to Quintus that’s been going around, this one about urine: that ‘learning about it is a fuller’s job.’ Then there’s the one about hot, cold, dry and wet: that ‘those are words for bathhouse attendants.’ Now, I find it hard to believe even Thessalus, never mind Quintus, would say anything like these things. They’re all just stupid jokes, in no way appropriate for a man so educated in a serious art.”
Λείπεται οὖν ἔτι περὶ τῶν ἑωθινῶν τε καὶ κατὰ τὴν ἑσπέραν τρίψεων διελθεῖν, οὐ μὰ Δία οὕτως, ὥς φασιν ἀποκρίνασθαι Κόιντον ἐρομένῳ τινὶ γυμναστῇ, τίνα δύναμιν ἔχει τὸ ὑποσυγχρίεσθαι, φάμενον ἀφανίζειν τὰ ἱμάτια. τούτοις γὰρ τοῖς ὀνόμασιν, οἷς ἐγὼ νῦν ἐχρησάμην, ἐρέσθαι τε λέγουσι τὸν γυμναστὴν ἀποκρίνασθαί τε τὸν Κόιντον. ὅμοιόν τι τοῦ Κοίντου περιφέρεται ἀπόφθεγμα τό τε περὶ τῶν οὔρων, ὡς γναφέως ἐστὶ καταμανθάνειν αὐτά, καὶ τὸ περὶ θερμοῦ, ψυχροῦ, ξηροῦ καὶ ὑγροῦ, διότι βαλανέων ἐστὶν ὀνόματα ταῦτα. ἃ ἐγὼ μὲν οὐκ ἂν πεισθείην, μὴ ὅτι Κόιντον, ἀλλ' οὐδὲ τῶν ἀπὸ Θεσσαλοῦ τινα φθέγξασθαι· βωμολοχικὰ γὰρ ἅπαντ' ἐστὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα κομψεύματα καὶ οὐδαμῶς ἀνδρὶ προσήκοντα σεμνῆς οὕτω τέχνης ἐπιστήμονι.
Galen, On Matters of Health 3.13, (6.228 K. = 100,27–101,5 Koch)